Pella Wanwar
by Unnamed.in.whispers
Summary: After the desolation of Smaug and the battle of the five armies, all survivors have to rebuild and heal. For Tauriel it seems an impossible task, were it not for her King.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Pella Wanwar Pairing: Tauriel/Thranduil

Series: The Hobbit [Films 2012-2014]

Rating: T Type: Fanfiction

Summary: After the desolation of Smaug and the battle of the five armies, all survivors have to rebuild and heal. For Tauriel it seems an impossible task, were it not for her King.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of The Hobbit characters or anything from the universe of The Lord of the Rings. I am just taking the characters and playing with them a while – promising to restore them whole and unblemished! Thanks t Tolkien for creating these toys for me to enjoy. Please don't take any of my playing as having any bearing on the actual series. Enjoy.

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When he found her there, in the ruins of Ravenhill; shattered herself, he finally accepted the pain that flooded through her.

He let her weep.

Kili was gone; she had never known pain such as this… but then, she had never known love. She had only known loyalty and duty.

All her life… all the years bound by honor were nothing, but for that moment in his eyes.

It stretched out in a splintered time that let them share eternity… In that moment they lived a lifetime; they loved more than words could express. Their lives together would have been full and joyful… they would have remained with the humans of Dale and their descendants married into the Dale generations for centuries until Kili grew weary and their great-great-grandchildren needed them no longer. Tauriel would have taken Kili west to the undying lands, there to a contented end…

Reality filtered through the remembered dream; she felt for the shattered vision that settled in the shadows… the truth crept about and veiled her abused and battered frame was almost too much to endure; he was gone.

Yet her heart beat on… her lungs continued to breathe…

She held his motionless body; Kili of Durins folk… and closed his lifeless eyes; his loss ripped a hole in her chest; tears streamed down her face to think she could have changed his fate… and she acknowledged her King, caring little for how she appeared… simply hollow…

She was raw and told him that if what she was feeling was love then she wanted no part of it…

Thranduils ice-sharp eyes observed her and he seemed to soften… he told her her pain was simply because what she had felt and shared with Kili was real.

Her King stood watch over her as she cried and he gently pulled her upward when Kilis kin arrived to take his body to the mountain he had fought so hard to liberate.

Tauriels strength was waning as she approached the Lonely Mountain but Thranduil bent his frame about her and took her weight. Comforted and supported by the King of Mirkwood, she was guided to her loves final resting place.

There, in a tomb of his forbears, Kili rested atop a cold and unwelcoming lump of stone, the last in the line of his brother, Gili, and his cousin, Thorin Oakenshield. And Tauriel was placed at the foot of his Sarcophagus as the dwarves, men and elves about her paid their respects to the fallen heroes of battle.

To her surprise, the battle-hardened Tauriel had become numb, deaf to any and all offers of solace granted by those who knew Kili and others who simply owed him their lives.

Thranduil had left her for a time, never truly too far away but enough distance to allow her grief while he spoke with Bard, now leader of the men in Dale, and Dain, now King under the mountain and ruler of Erebor and Lord of the Iron Caves. She heard them speak, not too far away, of burying the dead, of clearing the fallen Orc and debris of battle, of a new union and of sharing the wealth.

Time became meaningless to Tauriel over the following days, she was aware of all around her… she simply didn't care.

Eventually, she was removed from the space, Thranduil insisting she take rest and soothe her pains in the great baths, take a meal and rejuvenate, promising she could return once Kili had been attended to as per his people's rituals.

She wasn't keen to do this, but allowed herself to be gathered once more in her Kings arms and led away; all she knew was that there was comfort in the circle of his embrace and peace in allowing another to make decisions for her.

Tauriel was taken to her room and left to sleep; which found her easily.

She awoke at some point, days later, still numb and letting one moment fall into the next… washing and dressing in her freshly laundered garments.

The dwarves and men held their burial rites and Kili passed into legend.

"What now of Tauriel?" Thranduil asked after the ceremonies had passed by and were the memories of another season.

She stood at the foot of the sarcophagus, recognising the still statue of Kili and feeling as though she was stone herself. "What of her?"

The King tilted his head; his ice-aqua eyes attempting to pierce her resolve; she had none…

"I cannot leave you here…"

She shook her head, "And where would you take me to escape this…"

"Home," he said. There was no further point to make.

The King reasoned there was nothing for her in Erebor… that there was no reason in her prolonged suffering…

So when she agreed to leave she was surprised to be honored by Bard and his children… all three little ones had thanked her, giving her tokens for saving their lives… Tauriel accepted, not truly seeing them.

And before leaving Erebor for the final time, Thranduil took his leave of the Dwarves and Men and looked to Tauriel, who was stopped at the gate by Dain who gave her a stern gaze.

"I owe you something," the Dwarf Lord informed the elf.

"I do not believe so," she answered quietly.

"Aye, I do," he confirmed, sniffing loudly and turning to his side, "for the kindness you showed my kin…"

A page stepped forward with a chest and handed it to Dain, who turned to fix Tauriel as he moved the proffered item into her hands, "This is now yours."

She looked down at the chest in her hands… "What…?"

"You don't open that until you reach Mirkwood…" Dain told her and shot a look to Thranduil, "And you remember the gift is bestowed on you and your descendants alone."

Tauriel accepted the gift; she had no energy to question or argue… and from there she was drawn to Thranduil, who lifted her onto his Great Stags son…

"His name is Pella Wanwar," he informed her… I named him for three hearts I know continue beating through the loss they have faced…"

Pella turned his great head and looked to her; his antlers were slightly smaller than his fathers, but he was still an impressive sight to behold.

She placed her hand on his snout and watched his eyes close in acceptance, "On the borders of lost…" and she raised his head to look into his soul, "You will do your father honor."

The stag stood all the taller; one heart on the road to healing, so she turned to the second.

"He is magnificent, My Lord."

"He is yours," The King stated, his eyes lighting when reading her surprise, "he is the younger son of my own, fallen steed."

Taureil looked at once to the pain in his eyes, "My Lord…"

"Master him well," the King informed her, holding her eyes, "and he will always be true to you."

_Those eyes_, she thought, _they bore more the deeper once you looked beyond the surface. _

And beyond that ice, that coolness, there was a maelstrom of loss and hurt… which she understood now.

She had heard of how Legolas had left after the final battle; she knew his father would feel that absence, for the truth of it was she felt it also.

Legolas was kingly; he was honest, he was kind and true. If only she could have loved him as she was supposed to… he was a fine figure, cutting a swath that could only be etched in the most perfect depictions of all great artisans, new and ancient. None could deny his beauty… for he was perfection.

And yet…

Tauriel could not deny Legolas… should he but say the word and she would be at his side in all things, save one…

She had once, briefly, entertained the notion that their mutual appreciation could bend to romance… but knowing Thranduil would never permit his son and heir to court a lowly Silvern Elf from an ancient militia line, she had dismissed the idea and had never permitted it time again to ponder on.

She looked her King now; much changed by recent events, uncertain of how he would view the situation now. He was willing to accept the love she had borne for a Dwarf… could he accept a loosening of suitor-ship standings within Elven society?

Tauriel realised she had been stood, motionless, for too long… she moved to tie the chest to her steeds saddle, to find Thranduil assisting her.

The King was helping her loop buckles about the case…

When their hands touched, there was a flash and she met his eyes, knowing at once how isolated and uncertain the stoic leader of the Elves felt; over the loss of his soldiers, over the absence of his son and through the youthful bonds he had formed with one-time opponents.

He was just as much on the borders of lost as she was.

Tauriel found her hand closing on Thranduils, hoping to offer support and comfort…

The Kings expression softened, his lips curving before he leaned to her and placed a kiss upon her forehead, the gesture surprising all about them…

Thranduil then straightened, turned on his heel and strode toward the head of the troupe, his head held higher, his back straightened and his hand resting on the hilt of Orcrist, the elven sword Thorin had borne when first stepping foot into Mirkwood.

Tauriel looked about her to the soldiers, mounted and stood in formation, awaiting the marching order and doing their very best not to acknowledge the display she had been a part of… so then she looked to the humans and dwarves, who were all giggling and whispering amongst themselves…

A confused tumble of emotion filled her chest, making her gulp back the sensation… she hadn't felt anything for some time allowing the swirl to shake through her until she looked to Pella whose steady gaze calmed her.

She climbed into his back, the stag whinnying in appreciation…

And the company began moving through the gates and leaving Erebor in the past.

Tauriel breathed, looking ahead and following her King; knowing that whatever was to come, she and all about her must heal… it was the way of the world… and the heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Another winter passed in Mirkwood, followed by spring, summer and autumn… one year and another… and the captain of the border guards remained within her chambers, hardly leaving and even when she did attend the court or meals she did not linger, remaining only to oblige duty.

Five years passed as easily as the sun rises after dusk… she hadn't changed. There was no outward sign of the years passing on her clear and perfect skin. There wasn't even a scar.

Nothing.

Yet Kili was still gone but the pain remained.

And Tauriel had nothing to show for it… except the gift Dain had handed her all that time ago.

It had taken her years to bring herself to even open the chest, but one unimportant day she found herself at the table where it had sat since her return to Mirkwood.

As the lid lifted, a bass and resounding shock filtered through her as her fingers wound about the white gems of Lasgalen.

The very gems that almost caused a war…

But by the light of the stars the jewels became their own creation, shining and breathtakingly beautiful… and all hers.

Tauriel had shut the box.

There had been a rush of emotion she had not expected; being devoid of anything for such a length of time, Tauriel had difficulty processing what she was feeling…

She couldn't possibly keep the jewels.

They weren't Dains to give nor hers to keep.

She had to hand them over to Thranduil…

But what would the consequences of that action be? Would it lead to further mistrust between elves and dwarves? Would it even cause mistrust between elven-kind?

Tauriel sighed and thought again… noticing, with some surprise that for the first time in a very long time, even if only for a moment, she had not thought of Kili.

And so, she pondered what to do; days may have passed… even weeks…

And once she had reached the conclusion of simply doing nothing about the gift; allowing the notion to settle in her mind… she found a strange void in want of another subject to consider…

Tauriel took her time to bathe and look about her rooms for something to read or an activity, such as painting, to indulge in… and found none.

Mereth Nuin Giliath was, once again, upon the forest and the wines and spirits flowed through the celebrations with ease and joy…

It had been seven years since she had spoken of this night with Kili… it had taken her a while to calculate this, given the years of self-imposed isolation.

Perhaps it was time.

Not really wanting to, Tauriel left her chambers and made her way to the festivities, departing at a time she knew the majority of her kin would have had their fill and already retired…

Some of her previous subordinates cheered to see their Captain and she, briefly, joined them in a raised glass of wine and cheerful recount of their latest purge of the forest against the spiders of the north.

The festival of light had hit the highest point in the sky, when all the stars shone their brightest and as she reached the tallest tower she was overtaken with the beauty and wonder of light; it bathed and soothed her, blanching out all sorrow until there was only bright existence.

Life.

Oh how special that gift and knowledge was…

"Tauriel?"

Startling at the voice of her king, the once-Captain of the Guard span about to see him, showered in starlight, resplendent and breathtaking…

His skin sparkled and his platinum hair glowed as he approached…

Tauriel steadied herself… "My Lord."

"What are you doing here?"

"It is Mereth Nuin Giliath, my Lord," she answered as he joined her at the balcony, looking out to the night, "I am taking joy in the celebration."

Hardly making a sound the King moved to her side, still looking out to the horizon and answering, "I had thought you unable to feel joy for the longest time, Tauriel…" then he turned to her, "What has changed?"

And she thought on it… "Nothing…" she answered, watching the blinking life and death of a million years play out in the canvas above her, "and everything."

The King nodded, resting close to her and breathing for a moment; in awe of their view…

"May I ask why you are here, my Lord?"

Thranduil laughed a little and looked to her, eyes glittering, "Did you think you were the only one to walk these paths?"

How was it he always made her feel a little foolish? Perhaps it was a sign of a great King and Leader, to display such regal surety in their words… And, perhaps it was something else…

"You once accused me of holding no love in my heart…" the King continued, looking out to the night sky to avoid her gaze. Tauriel wondered if it was due to his fear of her repose… but when there came none, Thranduil continued… "I had such great love, once… true, bright and incandescent. When it was lost to me, so suddenly and without warning, I believe I chose to feel nothing rather than allow that pain to bleed through into my everyday life."

Tauriel knew he spoke of Legolas' mother, and felt a pull in her chest and reached out a hand to place it on his shoulder.

The King looked to the touch before returning his eyes to the starlight, "I allowed myself to remain in that dark place, filled with only paranoia and control… believing I was saving those around me from my own failings… protecting them from the pain I endured. Centuries of distancing myself from those around me. I grew cold to all; even those I sought to guard against my own sorrow."

"No one should feel like this, my Lord," Tauriel admitted, allowing the emotion to raise to the surface slightly, "No one should see how it hurt me… no one should have to suffer my loss but myself."

He turned quickly, gathering her smaller hands in his own and drawing them to his lips, "No, my girl, don't you see… That was my mistake and it can't be yours."

Tauriel hesitated, "I am not sure I can feel what you wish me to, my Lord."

"No, no, no…" Thranduil rushed to take her fully into his arms, swaying to offer comfort, "Tauriel… It is not that I wish you to feel, it is only that I wish you to express it and heal."

"To heal…" Tauriel wondered, "if it is possible, I should like to heal one day."

"Is that what you fear?" Thranduil asked, his soft voice gaining something near compassion… "You fear you are no longer capable of feeling anything… even love?"

Tauriel hesitated… "What if…" Perhaps she was… "What if I am…" drawing back a little, she took a breath and asked in a quiet voice, "…now… broken?"

Thranduil observed her a while, his face an alabaster cast of wide-eyed thought.

He sighed, "If you were truly broken…" the King soothed, "you would not have such thoughts."

And Tauriel supposed what he said must be truth; only the broken would believe the world numb and find it normality.

She knew there was more.

"I promise you," Thranduil breathed, folding her into his embrace, "I will show you how to heal."

There were doubts but at that moment, in the starlight, she found nothing to counter his assumption.

"Daughter of the Forest…" He gave her just the slightest squeeze, denoting affection, "Perhaps you can also teach me the same lesson."

And then she realised that he did this, not only for her, but to also reclaim that part of himself that had been lost all those years ago.

The stars shone brightly and she breathed in his arms… why not allow herself to heal? Why not heal another while becoming whole once more?

Tauriel relaxed in the Kings arms.

For now, she let the light shine upon them.


End file.
